How to Connect (or Reconnect) With Your Teen - Part 2

Have you tried the basic connection tips from Part 1? If so, have you found communication easier when you know how to get the first gear going? I've loved seeing how much smoother my relationships are because I know this basic, but largely unknown, communication tip.

This article takes connecting with your teens to an entirely different level. Part of the challenge with teen parenting is that we don't spend enough time together connecting while having fun. Many parents have troubles finding fun activities to do with their teens. So where to start?

Do you and your teen have activities you used to love to do together, even if you haven't done them for years? Ask your teen what he or she wants to do with you. I realize that this can involve doing things we don't initially want to do. I recently went with my kids on a hike that I wasn't very excited about. I wanted another adult to be involved, and my husband was away. We had a blast and in the end I was glad to have the time alone with the kids.

One of the advantages adults have is we often have the means of transportation and the money to do some things that our teens and their friends don't have. Take advantage of that fact! Stretch yourself into trying some new fun activity like white water rafting or biking or going to a play if those are activities that your teen likes to do. When our kids were young many of us had the joy of rediscovering hobbies we did as a child. Let your teen introduce you to new activities and help you to stay young!

The other advantage of taking the time to find new activities that you both enjoy is that after your teen moves out, you can still continue to connect through your new found hobbies. Many young adults want to be active and don't want to just visit with parents at home. Many families have discovered a love of hiking or golf or canoeing that has kept them connecting for decades to come. Can you picture vacations centered around running, chess, visiting museums or some other activity? Over the decades the activities you try now with your teens could become a lifelong shared passion.

Do you want to have an active, exciting life? Are you concerned about issues that can come with aging such as weight-gain or senility? Many adults find life getting less and less exciting,and more and more draining as their hobbies and activities shrink. Being active with your teenagers could be the best thing that happens to you! One major characteristic of youth is a willingness to try new things. By stretching to do something with your kids you are keeping yourself more youthful. Who knows, you may even discover a hobby that sustains you throughout your life, even into your senior years.

If you begin with trusting that you can connect, and you focus on the basics of connecting, as well as plan for the connection, the teenage years will go a lot more smoothly. Teenagers need us way more than they think they do, and way more than many parents think as well. Take the time to be there for them, to hear their views on the world and to give them the gift of your time and attention. You will be paid back thousands of times over.

For the knowledge of how to connect with kids, and other key parenting tips, I am indebted to Dr. Gordon Neufeld, developmental psychologist and best-selling author of Hold on to Your Kids. Like so many parents nowadays, my initial instincts upon becoming a parent, were skewed and unlikely to meet with success! My passion is teaching other parents about his ground-breaking work, and helping you to be the great parent that you can be.