What to say to a child who resists phys ed class
Probably for as long as schools have had physical education classes, kids have complained about them. Is yours one of them? Try to change his tune; gym classes can be an important way for children to meet their daily needs for physical activity. If your child claims to hate gym, try these steps to help adjust his attitude.
1. Empathize. If you start by saying "Well, even if you hate gym, you have to go," you've already lost your audience, says Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., a clinical child psychologist in Philadelphia and the author of Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking: Powerful, Practical Strategies to Build a Lifetime of Resilience, Flexibility and Happiness. A better approach, says Dr. Chansky, is to start with phrases like "I hear you, it's not your thing" or "I don't think you're the only one feels that way."
2. Tease out a reason. Try to find out what is behind your child's "I hate gym!" declaration. What, specifically, bothers her about PE class? Dr. Chansky suggests asking, "What's the worst thing for you about gym class?" Your child might answer that she never gets picked for teams, or that everyone else is better at sports than she is. Don't guess or assume—you might be wrong.
3. Problem-solve together. The goal here is to have your child come up with his own solutions. Ask leading questions, like "Is improving your performance in PE important? How do you think you'd do that?" Be ready to offer suggestions, but try framing them as questions: "So you want to try shooting baskets on the weekends—would you like me or Dad to play with you? Or maybe Alex, or Donny?"
"Hate" is a strong word and provokes strong responses from parents (that's why kids use it!). "When a child says they hate something, we see a huge mountain in front of us," says Dr. Chansky. "We don't see how we will convince them to climb up that mountain. It helps if we can see our job as walking with them, instead." And just maybe, your child will walk into her next gym class without dragging her feet.
1. Empathize. If you start by saying "Well, even if you hate gym, you have to go," you've already lost your audience, says Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., a clinical child psychologist in Philadelphia and the author of Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking: Powerful, Practical Strategies to Build a Lifetime of Resilience, Flexibility and Happiness. A better approach, says Dr. Chansky, is to start with phrases like "I hear you, it's not your thing" or "I don't think you're the only one feels that way."
2. Tease out a reason. Try to find out what is behind your child's "I hate gym!" declaration. What, specifically, bothers her about PE class? Dr. Chansky suggests asking, "What's the worst thing for you about gym class?" Your child might answer that she never gets picked for teams, or that everyone else is better at sports than she is. Don't guess or assume—you might be wrong.
3. Problem-solve together. The goal here is to have your child come up with his own solutions. Ask leading questions, like "Is improving your performance in PE important? How do you think you'd do that?" Be ready to offer suggestions, but try framing them as questions: "So you want to try shooting baskets on the weekends—would you like me or Dad to play with you? Or maybe Alex, or Donny?"
"Hate" is a strong word and provokes strong responses from parents (that's why kids use it!). "When a child says they hate something, we see a huge mountain in front of us," says Dr. Chansky. "We don't see how we will convince them to climb up that mountain. It helps if we can see our job as walking with them, instead." And just maybe, your child will walk into her next gym class without dragging her feet.
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